HEAT: A Five Alarm WINE EMERGENCY

It is so hot. I went for a walk yesterday morning and turned around due to the swamp-like conditions. Plus, my location provided only limited Pokémons. I don’t want another Spearow, dammit. Pidgey=#no. Weedles are the absolute worst. No one has time for you Weedle. Come back to me with the one that looks like Janis Joplin or a Charizard.

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Voyeurism

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Janis Joplin?
Regardless, I’ve caught a few because I can’t get past the novelty of seeing those little monsters in my house or on the streets through the camera. This is some Long Island Medium level shit, people always asking, “Are there Pokémon in here?”.

“Spirit I mean Blastoise is showing me candy which is my sign for appreciation…he wants you to know he felt loved when you leveled up from Wartortle…do you understand that?”

 

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Lest you succumb to Satan’s Weather Festival 2016, chilled wine may revive your broken spirit. You may forget that distant longing for Fall, heavy knits, and meaty Bordeaux, even if just for a moment, before the sweat once again starts pouring into your nether orifices. #globalwarmingAF. This is an emergency post so I’m only presenting 3 wines to get you through until it drops below 95 thousand degrees and we’re not losing our damn minds.

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Could be serious.
2015 Luis Alegre Rioja Rosado: Rosé’s been waiting all year for you to come crawling back like a syrupy humid swamp mess. I’ve been sampling some delicious Rioja rosés lately just in time for the climate change apocalypse. This Spanish blend of 60% Tempranillo and 40% Viura is particularly aromatic with notes of lemon zest, fresh red berries and white florals. It’s refreshing yet fills the mouth (that’s what she said), making it an excellent food wine with your take out chicken fried rice since it’s too hot to cook. Turn on my oven? ARE YOU F$%*KING KIDDING? I moved here for GrubHub. P.S. It’s $10.99 ish.

 

2014 Anne Amie “Cuvée A” Muller-Thürgau: It’s time to grow up and try other varietals outside your Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay comfort zone. I know, change is hard, but get over it.  Sort of a West Virginia-I-married-my-cousin-oops-Riesling-crossbred grape, Müller-Thurgau is thriving outside the German Vaterland in places like Oregon and Slovenia. Our wine is from Oregon and may be my best new discovery of the Summer as an amateur wine sleuth. Like holy hell it is so good…a little kick of key lime, lush honeysuckle, and pink grapefruit…I feel like I’m sharing  my special secret with you peasants because it’s only $15.99. You’re welcome. Make these shrimp tacos  with it and shut the hell up.

 

2015 Honig Sauvignon Blanc:  I care about sustainability since the planet is an unfixable clusterfuck, so hats off to you, Honig, for your solar powered vineyard and general bad-assery. Their Napa Valley Sauvignon Blanc, blended with a touch of Sémillon and Muscat, exhibits white peach and lemongrass on the nose and a squeeze of fresh lime and that classic grapefruit splash in the lingering crispy finish. Do yourself a solid and obtain some Brillat Savarin to pair. You will feel satisfied on a spiritual level. But damnit, I don’t care how hot it gets, if you add ice cubes to your wine I will Liam Neeson the shit out of you. $14.99-15.99.

Stay cool friends. Winter is coming.

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Please God. 
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